He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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