dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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