i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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