is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
