my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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