dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
