Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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