I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize