I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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