then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
