Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize