google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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