Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
