So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I party with great urgency now.
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