Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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