I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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