Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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