i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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