two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You're like the curious george of whores
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
