You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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