Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
