'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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