We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
