i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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