Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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