PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
