it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
