I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
