that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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