accomplished twins. life is a go
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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