God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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