I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
