Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
