You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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