HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
