I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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