where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
