Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
