I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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