Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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