I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
