Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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