uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
