so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
