I could have mohawked her pubes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
