There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
