Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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