i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
