hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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