brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
