i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
