ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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