there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize