Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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