You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
