my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
