i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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