you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
