i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize