do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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