I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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