If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
