I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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