i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
