She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can i not drive my cunt home
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i came on her dog
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
