im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
