apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
