Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
