I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize