I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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