Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
