garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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