you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
