If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
