Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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