Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just gargled with NyQuil
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
