the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
