God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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