I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
