...so i touched it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
