Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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