I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
