Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
