At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
