I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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