I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
