Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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