my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
