I accidentally had phone sex last night
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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