what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
