Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you made out with another girl for some wings
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
