I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Non-Jews are for practice
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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