I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
