At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
