remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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