Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
