Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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