dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
