"it" just moved
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
